I'm Starting to Notice the Effects of Meditiation

I have begun to observe some of the effects of my mindfulness practice in my daily life. I observed today an impulse to go onto the Internet and start reading random pages and scroll through my Facebook feed. It was sort of a warm feeling in my belly. In observing this desire, I became able to choose not to take the action of going on the Internet, and instead tend to my writing. This is different from attempting to fight the craving head on and change my behavior through force of will (which does not work).

Also, as I was eating dinner, I was able to notice when I was feeling full, and stop eating at that time. This is a change from my past behavior, when I would continue to eat after I felt full because of a sense of scarcity. A few years ago, I went through a period of food insecurity. During that time I developed the habit of eating as much as I could when food was in front of me. Now that food is more available, this habit has caused me to put on weight. I am more likely to be able to lose weight by mindfully noticing when I am full than by attempting to exercise will power to control what I eat (that course of action is unlikely to have any effect).

I'm the sort of person who might be labeled as having “Attention Deficit Disorder” – even though in some ways it is actually a superpower, there are some aspects I struggle with.  I don’t want to drug it away and throw out the baby with the bathwater, losing the benefit of being super creative. One of the reasons why I took up mindfulness meditation is to strengthen my executive functions, so I'm more able to schedule and plan my day, and complete tasks. For instance, I might be washing dishes, and then partway through the task I often will get distracted and move to another task. I may or may not return to the first task; I might just leave it unfinished. Today, when I was washing the dishes, I was able to notice what my mind was doing as I was about to become distracted. I was thus able to continue on task, and not wander off.

The mindfulness meditation has also helped increase my body awareness. My body wants to stretch, it wants to move, and so when I tune in I find that I'm exercising more. On sunny days I'll go for a hike, to try to lift my mood in the often-cloudy Pacific Northwest. On cloudy days I'll practice yoga and do various calisthenics in order to stay in shape. This is probably one of the greatest benefits that this meditation has for my health.

I am also starting to see some positive changes from my loving-kindness, or Metta meditation. This meditation involves deliberately invoking feelings of loving-kindness towards myself, towards my family and the people closest to me, towards my friends, towards people I feel indifferent about, and then towards people who might have harmed me. Last night I was feeling extra warm loving feelings towards my cat, who I call the “kittysattva”. I was also feeling wants of warm loving feelings towards my daughter and towards my parents, without what I might often experience: thoughts about how each person might have treated me better in the past. This was a very gentle, open, unconditional kind of love. My hope is that this meditation will increase my capacity to experience these kinds of loving feelings.

This isn't always easy; it's a challenge to keep this up. On some days I'll find myself sinking back into the Internet, not doing my writing. I feel frustrated, and beat myself up at the end of the day if I haven't followed through. But on days when the awareness does come through, it comes in a gentle way. I don't succeed in doing what I want to do by trying to force myself. I do it through simple awareness, which is much more kind to myself. .

I am attempting to develop a new habit of writing at least thousand words a day. I have learned from reading the book "The Power of Habit" that each habit is composed of a cue, a routine, and a reward. The best way to learn a new habit is to modify an old habit, using the same cue and reward, but replacing the routine. For that reason, I am attempting to modify my habit of web surfing and using social media. I'm asking my friends to help reinforce this habit, by giving the story likes - and especially comments. That will strengthen and reinforce this new habit of productive writing.